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"work-life-(lack-of)-balance"
no insights. but maybe you'll feel less alone
Armaan Ajoomal
December 30, 2024
hope yall had a wonderful xmas. my family decided to do no gifts or things, and honestly, it was quite nice.
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1 reflection
“work-life ‘lack of’ balance”
my work and my life are two sides of the same coin.
it’s hard for me to separate my sense of self from how i’m contributing to the world - whether it’s having heartfelt conversations, making journalistic videos, or whatever else.
who i am, what i’m doing, my aspirations, goals, values, etc is all intertwined with the work i produce.
i don’t think i’m alone in this regard.
in a way, 99.99% of humans reflect and look back at their life in relation to the products, ideas, and relationships they produce. this is why so many of us have quarter/mid-life crises when we realize our sense of self is wrapped up in work we don’t deem valuable, like crunching spreadsheets or waiting tables or whatever.
right now, i’m making a video diving into the current scientific funding ecosystem(basically, a video on “metascience”, or the study of how we can apply the scientific method to the field of scientific funding to improve it).
it’s taken a LOT of research. i’ve probably put in 50+ hours of research so far, which may not sound like a lot, but granted i’m not done just yet is astounding to me. and the amount of cognitive effort to understand weird economic concepts like TFP or read through the NIH’s 160 page manual on “applying to grants” - WOW it’s been a slog.
anyways, it’s been rewarding and satisfying to do the work.
while im stuck at my computer screen, staring at 0s and 1s that create beautiful webpages, it’s not fun. but when i look back at the progress i’ve made, then it’s very satisfying.
so basically: i do the work, i feel good.
and when im not doing the work, I don’t feel very good.
and the times when i’m not doing the work, i’m with friends or out at bars or whatever.
but now when i’ve been working so much, i crave that time with friends.
so there seems to be this weird schism where when im with friends, i want to work, but when i’m working, part of me wants to be with friends.
WHAT THE FUCK.
i dont think this is anything new. we’ve all got issues with “work-life-balance”(or the lack of?), but i just feel it very deeply at this time.
i don’t think this entry will provide any insight or reframing to this age old question, but hopefully you feel less alone, less in the dark and sitting in the corner of a musty old basement, when you read how fucking tragic my ability to just be present in work, or present with friends, may be.
and it’s really not THAT tragic - im just really dramatic lol.
ugh man i dont know.
maybe i’ll just go on a farm or something.
love you.
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appreciation
shoutout to THIS house playlist
THANK you for reading, you’re the best, and I love you oh so dearly.