my family is much more complicated than i thought

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1 reflection

my family almost broke up and i had no idea about it.

saturday, 11:31AM, fairfield, CT.

me: “hey mom, you ever thought about becoming a teacher?”

mom: “well, i taught english for a bit in schools. but i did seriously consider becoming a college professor.”

me: “oh what happened?”

mom:

*proceeds to talk for 15 minutes about how she nearly divorced my father in 1998 after giving birth my brother in 1996 and seriously reconsidering if she wanted to live in America or move back to Spain to be with her original family.*

um yeah. so my parents almost divorced in 1998 and i had no idea about it until SATURDAY. for some context, my parents met in India and married in 1994. they moved to america so my dad could start businesses here. they struggled for a long time. it really wasn’t until 2013 that they felt semi-safe, so from 1994-2013, it was a fucking slog. but the particular tough times were 1997-2002.

my mom gave birth to my brother in 1996 and she was going through the “baby blues”, or post-partum depression. she hated how far she was from her family in Spain and India. she hated how alone she felt. she hated how difficult work life and starting a new business was. she hated her life, was deeply depressed, considered divorcing my father and leaving it all, and was going to take my brother to live in Spain.

and that was in 1998.

what. the. fuck.

not “what-the-fuck” in relation to my mom’s thoughts/situation - but WTF in relation to HOW FRAGILE AND FICKLE LIFE REALLY IS. it’s like grains of sand, slipping through our fingers. so fragile. so quick to dissolve. so easy to be blown away in a gust of wind.

learning about my family being on the brink of break up 5 years before i was born led to a few things.

• way more respect for my mom & dad

• deep, deep gratitude that they stayed together(or i wouldn’t really exist lol)

• a moment of reflection for myself to examine my own decisions

my entire existence would’ve been gone if my mom acted on her emotions and divorced my dad. my entire life, and theirs too!, was one phone call, one fight, one bad night away from everything being different.

that is just…astounding. utter shock.

let’s wrap this up.

so yeah. thanks for coming to storytime. im not sure if there are any lessons or ideas to pull from this, but maybe just talk to your parents about their marriage history? maybe you’ll gain a new perspective or deep respect for them.

or maybe not.
i dont fucking know.

life is weird.

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appreciation

shoutout to THIS podcast about disney adults
THANK you for reading, you’re the best, and I love you oh so dearly.

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