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- loneliness and its discontents
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armaan’s thoughts
milk is underrated(whole milk specifically)
reading is great when it serves doing, not as an alternative to doing
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1 reflection
loneliness and its discontents.
an intense dread begins to creep into my consciousness when it’s friday night, at 7:33 pm, and i’m cooking up a wonderful dinner, and i have no fucking idea what i’m gonna do tonight.
or the night after.
or the one after that.
no plans. no crazy parties i’m going to. nada.
just chilling w/ da roommates and maybe having a low key night.
there’s nothing wrong with that. right?
nothing wrong with relaxing and watching a movie with some buds. or spending friday and saturday night relatively sober, doing some work or making projects on the side. that’s life, right?
you’re preparing for your future! you’re being productive! you’re action oriented and agentic! you’re great because you’re spending your night in working on shit instead of getting obliterated with friends in a shitty bar as overpay for shitty drinks, “dancing”(if you call whatever the fuck flinging your hands like a madman is) with strangers you’ll never meet again!
man i don’t fucking know.
truthfully, i just wanna connect and befriend cool people. have a wife and maybe a kid eventually. and make some cool movies/books/companies that contribute something to this world.
that’s the goal. the vision. the light at the end of the tunnel.
but man, the path to get there just seems so wobbly. seems so…unkempt and messy.
i don’t doubt that i’ll get there.
but one thing that im afraid is how “lonely” i might have to be on that road.
and i know there’s a difference between lonely and being alone.
but man, sometimes i find it real hard, when im in the moment, going through an existential crisis wondering if anyone actually likes me, if im lonely, or just alone.
idk.
lol.
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