- figuring it out.
- Posts
- curb stomping ego
curb stomping ego
Armaan Ajoomal
February 03, 2025
gems of the week
armaan’s thoughts
the magic you’re looking for is in the work you’re afraid to do.
it’s hard for me to love the work in itself. i’m not saying i don’t love the things i’m doing independent on their outcomes. but damn, outcomes are motivating as fuck. and it’s hard for me to separate those two.
people want to talk and interact with you. assume that as the first principle.
1 reflection
hello sir? all egos must be checked in at the door?
i’m in a silly fucking writing class.
the class itself isn’t dumb. but the fact i have to take a class at northeastern, paying 8k for a fucking writing class - that’s annoying.
especially when i can’t just write a report or a single assignment or simply throw them to this goldmine of words.
i’m quite comfortable writing.
as you might assume granted im constantly blabbering and blibbering and thinking aloud.
but something i’m not as comfortable with?
feedback. criticism. constructive at that, but criticism nonetheless.
well good thing i just volunteered my very vulnerable essay about the growth of me. i started the story as a mumbling, bumbling, good-for-nothing fool, emotionally fragile as a caffeinated toddler, into a slightly more inquisitive, questioning, skeptical fool, equally as insecure and worried, but now in a different way.
when i was 18, i doubted myself. at 21, i still doubt myself, but not about my looks or personality or whatever, but about the very sense perceptions or thinking patterns that create my looks, personality, behaviors, values, etc.
kinda complicated. don’t want to get into it. just focus on the feedback.
most people had nice things to say.
(i’m bad at compliments. what do i do during them??)
they liked the detail or the emotional side of things.cool formatting choices including details from the papers i cite or whatever.
but the teacher shuts that down pretty quickly.
and he’s like, “hmm armaan, this is good, but this really isn’t the assignment.”
(he said that in more words, that above is simply the gist of it)
“yes professor, this is sorta the assignment, but in my opinion, the assignment is kinda dumb. the assignment serves as a vehicle to explain our individual growth. so without the growth aspect, the assignment criteria is useless”
(i said that in nice words).
he looks. he nods, silently agreeing.
“yeah, but this is a class so you’re going by my rules.” he says, a smile on his face.
UGH. FUCK.IN THAT MOMENT EVERY PART OF ME WANTED TO YELL AND SCREAM AND SHIT ON THE FLOOR AND PAINT THE WALLS PURPLE.
not really those last two. okay maybe the walls would be better as purple.
BUT HOLY FUCK UGH.
i hate following other people’s directions without being explained why those directions are necessary. i tend to despite merely following rules and “norms” without knowing why those rules and norms are in place.
i have no issue with authority. i have an issue with unfounded authority.
irrational authority. implicit or assumed authority.
at this point, i’m not defensive, nor am i sad, but i realize the odd disparity in this class.
everyone else here is trying to get a grade.
i’m trying to write. i’m trying to have fun.i’m trying to organize my thoughts.
those are very different activities.
very different games.
Seth Godin talks a lot about knowing what game you’re playing. it outlines how you act and how to measure yourself in comparison to the world’s feedback.
it’s uncomfortable to be playing a game other people see as useless or unworthy.
but i think that’s just life.
one thing i’m working on is measuring my work by my quality. my “yard-stick of excellence” as the late Steve Jobs would say.
it’s tough.
it’s tough to both trust you’re choosing and scoring the right criteria for whatever you’re making.
but i guess that’s what’s necessary to build anything great in the world.
a willingness to trust your own voice over everyone else’s.
fuck man. that’s tough.
love you.
share this with a friend if you enjoyed it.
just send them this link.
appreciation
shoutout to rick rubin
THANK you for reading, you’re the best, and I love you oh so dearly.